Friday, March 2, 2012


What appears below is a post I wrote when this blog was just about a month old.  On February 29, I made a bold statement.  I am using Leap Day to actually LEAP.  And once the words were on the screen, it all became very real.  And suddenly, I became petrified......  LEAP?  From where?  To what?  Apparently, I am suspended, mid air.  But I Took The Leap.  Maybe I knew it was coming when I ended my post last Friday with these words, "as I continue to step from the life that is to the life that IS waiting.  It's time for me to catch up to my own life."

Happy Friday to everyone.  Today is my volunteer day.  Twice a month as part of my commitment to the hospital, I "round" on the surgical floor.  I've done this a number of times already and each patient with whom I have visited has had an impact on me in one way or another.  I am just one of the endless stream of people who come in and out of the room during the course of a day.  Anyone who has spent a night in the hospital knows what I mean.  I look forward to today's visit.

I plan on spending the day in the city and will likely visit with friends and return back home on Saturday afternoon.  It's time to get out of dodge for 24 straight hours.  Shake it up a bit.  Change the surroundings.  Clear my head and hopefully come back here Monday with some tall tale!  Before I reprint my post I want to offer my most sincere thanks...So many of you read my silliness about Chemobrain and I thank each and every one of you for taking the time to let me know you were able to laugh along... or, relate and hope that someday soon you WILL laugh along.

I would be remiss if I did NOT thank the gang at I Had Cancer for mentioning the blog on their Facebook Wall.  And throwing out a tweet!  It was shared by many on Facebook and there are some silly stories there, too!  I would be even more remiss if I didn't thank CARMEN, my dearest buddy whose head was almost bitten off back in June when she said, "AnneMarie, you should blog."  We were talking the other day and she said (and it was NOT the first time she said it either, although I may have forgotten due to Chemobrain...... and getting sidetracked into other conversations)..... but, she was the one who said, "I really wish you would write one of those......"

My "Silly Little Blog" as I have come to refer to my musings was read quite a number of times yesterday.  I don't pay much mind to all of that but when I check to see who might have left a comment (because, yes I do love to see comments and I do try to answer them) I saw crazy numbers.  So thank you.... All of you....  I got a great thrill on a really not so great day.  I'm big on "random acts of kindness" and "making a difference" .... and I think I was the recipient of many random acts of kindness and I wanted each person who stopped here to know, "You MADE A Difference."  In my life.  On a crappy-ish day.

As long as I veered into acceptance speech mode, I'd like to thank the academy... oh... wait... I mean my very special buddies at Army of Women for featuring another post in their newsletter.  I know lots of people took a peek at that post, too.  Specifically to the breast cancer population, I would ask you to please take a look at yesterday's entry which is an eblast for a new Army of Women study.  Please consider participating if you qualify.  It's an online query that took no time at all to complete.  That's important!

And now.... in keeping with Leap Day.... in honor of Carmen who joined the ranks of twitter and is now deciding if she should jump in..... her first tweet (months ago) had a link to this particular blog post..... It fits with the leap....

Fittingly titled, "Which Way Is Up" .... shined up and recycled... it fits the moment.  This ONE moment in time.... From September..... which means I've been suspended in mid-air for five months?  Time to come in for a landing.......

I can see the tips of the pink trying to poke their way through the teal.  It’s almost time.  We are rapidly approaching what will soon become a global epidemic of pink.  It’s already begun and soon, we will not be able to look in any direction on any corner of the planet without seeing pink.  Lots of pink.  All different shades of pink.  Pink Pink Everywhere.

They will soon see it from the International Space Station. I know it. Rather than the beautiful image of the swirly blue oceans, they, too will be looking at the world through those rose colored lenses, even from way up there.  And no, I am NOT going on the Wiki hunt so I may satisfy all of the useless questions jumping in and out of my head.  How the hell far up there is that thing anyway?  Are there any (insert proper country)…..nauts up there or have they all returned to David Bowie’s reworked for Breast Cancer, “Planet Earth is Pink and I don’t know what to think…..”  And, where did that satellite fall last week anyway??

First of all, I’d really like someone to tell me exactly what happened to the month of September.  When I last looked, I was pretty upset to bid farewell to my friend, summer.  Now, it’s almost October??  Christmas will be crashing right into me and then time will come to a screeching halt.  Until mid May.  I can’t spend almost half of the year disgusted due to the climate.  Hanging on in quiet desperation, in the words of PINK Floyd, I WILL miss the starting gun.

Global warming isn’t going to turn NY into a tropical zone nor is anything else going to change in any other aspect of my current life.  What will change?  Me!  I’ve already taken giant steps away from the BC world in which I lived.   Numbers have been replaced with words and dry accounting reports have been replaced by research studies.  My life is drastically different today than it was just three short months ago.

Although I have continued to bounce in and out of the fog era, I feel like I’m finally on firm ground.  I may truly stay in AD minus the bouncing between "bases" "eras" "periods."  I can't decide how to refer to the three parts of my life and I’m still struggling for words to capture the way I am finally beginning to feel about Life, Phase 3.

And then, if I'm having a "moment," thoughts just pop into my head and sometimes, those thoughts can take my breath away.  I know exactly where I am.  At long last, I am seven years beyond the broken mirror and my feet are pointing me where I need to be.  I AM Breathless!  I’m moving toward becoming the person I might have been.  I am emerging from the chaos that precedes all great change.  Great changes are on the way!

Grammatically atrocious, but aptly poetic……



  1. I thought for a moment when reading above that you were going to quit blogging??? See where my chemobrain takes me? Keep reading Barb... Anyway, YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO ME EVERY DAY!!! Have a good weekend shaken' things up my friend. And thanks for the song that's been running through my head for the past 2 hours... Ground control to Major Tom, over and over and over...


  2. Jimmy Fallon? "This is Jesus C to Tim Tebow,please leave me alone...." I prefer that version now... If You didn't see it, definitely google it....... but... I am a true trial-blazer.... planet earth is pink.... I just was so blown away by the response to that chemobrain post I had to thank the gang at I Had Cancer. I had to do a double take when saw the blog traffic that day....

    Hope all is well.... always good to see your name!

  3. Your blog is great AnneMarie!! I love reading what you have to say and, as a fellow chemobrainer, I totally get it. By the way, I'm going to the Cancer and Work or is it Work and Cancer conference in June! Maybe we can meet?

    1. Yes, we definitely can meet! Cancer & Careers!!!! Said the chemobrain'd to the chemobrainer..... June 22nd. You have a date! Thanks for sharing your thoughts about the blog, too. I'm like a little kid.... constantly need a pat on the shoulder.... :)


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