My niece was here over the weekend. She has quite a stash of toys. As I was putting them away, I was struck by each of these items, coincidentally within inches of each other.
Like Humpty Dumpty, I feel like I took a great fall.
My body has been broken. Humpty, despite the attempts of "all the kings horses and all the kings men" could not be put back together.
Despite the skill of some of the finest doctors in the world who did put me back together again using lots of surgical tape, glue and stitches, I have come to learn there is far more to being put back together than the work of my doctors.
The real work is squarely upon my shoulders. Being whole is a choice I must make. For me. And only for me.
My Post Treatment World is an emotional minefield. I have chosen to embrace those emotions and channel them. I want to be part of a global change.
Being part of a change of such enormity is quite lofty. And, it requires gumby-like flexibility in the way I think. Keeping myself whole - body-mind and soul - requires gumby-like resilience.
Having my world changed by the word cancer and looking over my shoulder, which I know I will do on some level for the rest of my life, is like that box from which Humpty springs. Knowing what could pop out is frightening.
Each day, I turn that handle. Each day I am conscious of the fact that the door DID open once. Might it open again? With which turn?
Life in PostCancerLand is far from child's play.