Friday, December 14, 2012

TEARS AND FEARS

There's no better time for housecleaning than when one is waltzing around with a fever.  Except.  No energy.  And limited brain power, too.

Mostly I've been horizontal for the past two days.  Fever for a day, lethargic for a day and still not right for a day.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring....

A few observations.

This is not the best time of year to be down with a fever.  I have no tree, I have NOT purchased a single gift for anyone. Internet shopping might have been a good idea but......

Being horizontal is not fun.  Unless it is.  In the case of illness, not fun.

That clear liquid thing gets boring as all hell.  Besides, who has an appetite anyway.  But, I must keep the fluids in my body.

I have THINGS to do... besides the impending holiday..... and my mind won't stop taunting me and seeing the piles of paper all around is not helping matters.

Watching the counter on the Health of Women Study spin like a top was gratification even though I have inside info that the folks at the DSLRF coincidentally and unbeknownst to me, had a bit of a blitz yesterday.  Regardless, there are almost THREE THOUSAND more people enrolled.  In 24 hours.  Much as I'd love to credit this blog with a big bump, the "bump" has far more to do with the exceptional efforts of Dr. Love's devoted staff.

So.... I've decided to do a little blogkeeping.  Did you notice anything different?  Deadline 2020 calendar is below the posts. It's not because I don't like them anymore, it's kinda like rearranging furniture.  Time to feng shui the webpage.

Next up and this is taking a long damn time, The Blogroll.  I keep that there because it rearranges when someone posts an update.  It's not helpful to me because it's a distraction.  SO, in the days ahead, there will be a page of the blogs I am following.

Note to blogger:  It would be great if I had the option to make that a "widget" or to switch it to a page.

Note to reader:  You will still see the list IF YOU WANT TO by clicking the "Blogroll" page in the banner.  It's not THERE yet.....

Note to AM:  You will have to remember to check the RSS feed, the blogger dashboard and the wordpress reader to see updates which may prove to be very challenging.

Note to blog writers:  I may have started following your blog via google connect or wordpress OR, if you had an RSS feed, that trumped everything.  It's the easiest way to keep everything in one spot.  I'm halfway down the list.  I have to make sure I get a feed SOMEWHERE and then put the link on the new Blogroll page.  For most, not a big deal.  For me....everytime I open a blog, I never just hit the feed and copy the address.  I meander around your spaces.  Rereading. Instead of walking around in circles I'm doing virtual circles.

And, I have "stuff" on my mind.  Sucky stuff.....  Two days ago, I was walking on sunshine for a bunch of reasons.  Things are happening and they were unexpected surprises.  Surprises like finding out my name was on a government website and it was NOT a TSA watch list for troublemakers. Then, lightning struck.  In rapid succession.  The fever, the messages and the phone.

Whatever your thing is.... send it my way.  I'm a candle lighter.  Some people pray, others not so much but whatever your thing is..... I could use some positive energy sent out into the universe for a few people who are really really important and who are in the limbo-land of scans and tests and biopsies and frankly, I'm REALLY REALLY angry.  I WAS scared but now, I'm just angry as all hell.  Ultimately, I know I will channel the anger for positive change.

First, I have to dry my tears.

And keep the positive energy flowing with the hope that there was never a reason for tears.

Because, there is no crying in activism.

But being fearless?  Plenty of reasons for tears to spill.....




5 comments:

  1. "there is no crying in activism"--I love it!

    Get well soon, sweet friend. The world needs you!

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  2. dear annemarie,

    i am so sorry you are feeling so punk, and wish i could give you some good TLC - fluff your pillows, make you some good chicken soup, maybe give you a nice hand/foot massage, and make you one of my super-duper hot toddies; camomile tea laced with honey and lemon, with a modicum (or a lot!) of rum of congnac. also, i would make sure you had a plentiful supply of tissues...tears and fears. take heart, honey-girl - assign the tears to whatever you wish, but let them flow. and please know that i am sending waves and waves of love and healing and hope for you and for all whom you are concerned about. do you feel them? - 'atta girl, just rest now.

    love you, XXOO

    karen, TC

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  3. Awww AnneMarie
    I was you a couple of weeks ago. I'm still not back all the way. I find myself unbelievably tired I sleep a lot lately..Wake up tired. I haven't shopped I don't have a tree I don't have any gifts bought. I am not planning to do any of it. My son and I will go to the movies maybe for Chinese take out after..
    crying is good it cleanses the soul. My grandmother used to tell me it was like going through a body wash. Every time you cry your soul has less junk in the attic she'd say. Chicken soup is a fixer for everything. I pray, Polish Catholic roots lol I say my Rosary I will include you...

    Lots and loads of LOVE!!!

    Love Alli XXX

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  4. Oh my dear...how I love you in all your circles and tears! You have been on my mind constantly the last few days!

    So I will tell you, having just read this post, I'm not so sure about our #FearlessFriends mantra. (Tomorrow's blog post for me, perhaps??). In short: fear is real and as with all things, we have to acknowledge that to be authentic.

    I share your fears right now. Hang tight, focus on your healing, and let the light and love of this season surround you.

    You don't have to do it all, my friend...

    Love you tons!
    Lori

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