I need my space. I'm being quite literal. Although my posts have gotten a bit sporadic and my presence has dwindled, it's because there has been too much invading my space. Sometimes, I can choose to push things away, other times-not so much. This has been a not so much episode of fairly epic proportions. One day, there will be a book. Perhaps co-authored. Right now, I'm working with what I got. Which is space limitations.
Now, about that space.
When I was learning how to write, the nuns hyphenated my name. As a teen, I dropped the hyphen. For that matter, I dropped everything after the hyphen, too. In fact, I even dropped the "e" and for a short time, I was "Ann."
Somewhere along the way, I took back the "e" and the Marie. The hyphen would never return but when the hyphen disappeared, so did the space and I became AnneMarie.
I know now, I Need My Space and I'm going back to the way things were... the way my mom and dad intended when I was born.
What brings this about? The Grateful Dead. And Glennon.
On Friday, July 19, when I was crashing after a crisis, simultaneously missing my dad, my buddy, Upstate AM sent me a tweet. "This one is for us." She included a link to the blog written by Glennon Doyle Melton. On July 19th, Glennon was bidding the internet adieu for forty days. She had already unplugged by the time I saw the post and I hope to connect with her upon her return.
I MUST say a proper thanks. I must let her know how much her words touched my heart. The day was bittersweet. It was the anniversary of my dad's death. I was awash in the aftermath of a crisis. Frankly, I was kind of a mess. Glennon's post made me cry.
A random act of kindness on the part of a total stranger, someone whose name I'd never heard, someone who tells a powerful story in a TED talk, Lessons From The Mental Hospital. Someone who talked about her need to reach out to the Anne Marie's of the world. The snippet that was so serendipitous and so very appreciated on a day where I really needed to believe in something beyond that which was right in front of my face.... needed to remember I'm not alone. Ever. I was reminded in a most public manner on a day that really mattered most.
That whole Grateful Dead/Anne Marie thing took about five minutes. That five minutes made me so happy. There was a THERE there. Because that was my , there dancing and praying for all the Anne Marie’s in the world. I love that wild, nonsensical part of me. I need some time to get back in touch with her- to invite her front and center again because I want HER to lead me through this life. I choose HER- even if she makes no sense to the world at all. She says to me- WHO FREAKING CARES ABOUT THAT THING YOU’RE DOING? COME DANCE! THE ANNE MARIES NEED SOME PRAYERS! DON”T ASK WHY- JUST DANCE AND PRAY!”
All I can say? I'm a fan. And I'm filled with gratitude. And, I'm taking back my space.