Monday, July 29, 2013


How DARE anyone ever utter these words to a cancer patient.  Ever.  Language alert and it's not for the F Bomb dropped in the third paragraph.  How does this grab ya?

"One day cancer will be the best thing that happened to you."  

You must be kidding me.  REALLY???  I would say it's a good thing this twitter exchange took place on a Saturday afternoon because this would have created quite a twit storm.  I know what I'm talking about.  A summer Saturday.... twitter isn't really buzzin' much.

Today, however, it's Monday and it's time to stir it up.  I can't believe my eyes but alas, the eyes don't lie.  I'd like to know if this was a delusional statement or if perhaps it was written in a drunken stupor.  Maybe someone was sucking on a hash pipe?  The authoritative tone is almost as awful as the message.  Almost.  But not quite.  WHAT.THE.FUCK. 

A few screen shots...

Let me just say this.  It's seven years later and I'm still waiting for "one day"  .....  That was rude, crude and WAY out of line.

Ummmm REALLY????  YOU, Dr. Bone, might do well to rethink your words.  I have excellent health insurance and my out of pocket costs for care at MSKCC are in excess of $6,000.00.  I have diminished brain capability thanks to the treatment to (hopefully) give me an edge against recurrence.  My mom is now metastatic after what appears to be a 20 plus year dormancy.  I have had a number of good friends diagnosed with metastases this year.  A couple of people that were near and dear to me have died of the disease.

You tell me... how will there ever be a day that cancer will be the best thing that ever happens to anyone.  If your goal was to draw attention to yourself, you've done it.  If you are of the mindset that there's no such thing as bad publicity, let me clue you in on a little secret.  In the breast cancer community, in fact, in the cancer community at large, you may be the most vilified person on the planet.  And I didn't think anyone could possibly knock Nancy Brinker from the top spot.  Ever. Go Figure.


(thanks, jms for letting me steal your word...)


  1. Wow. Really??? I'm not on Twitter and after that I'm still glad I'm not. Really??? And she calls herself a doctor?

  2. Things that makes me go: wtf? If she had said it was the best thing to happen to her - then fair enough, but telling someone else that their cancer ought to be some party? Well, that's one statement that was maybe meant to be uplifting but was absolutly short sighted. I'm sorry Xeni had it thrown in her face.

  3. All... this was the response to a twitter feed where there is an ongoing debate:

    She Said: "My cancer experiences were biggies. time=perspective and puts cancer in its place. Life is great now"

    Which is fair enough EXCEPT.... they key words "MY cancer experiences" .... and I replied since it was directed at me and two others:

    "My one/only reply: Share ur experience. To tell another it will one day be THEIRS is not support. It's authoritative. And wrong."


    There is no right or wrong way.... there's only the way it works for YOU. To tell someone MY way is THE way would be wrong, lacking empathy and show absolutely zero support by dismissing the feelings of another. I stand by my words. Use better language. Personalize it. Go re-read the tweet. The message was clear.

  4. Hi AnnMarie,

    I think that statement the doctor made was/is appalling and beyond insensitive. I'm also thinking perhaps she mis-spoke, at least I hope so.

  5. Wow. Speechless for awhile that she said that. Yes, cancer's the best thing that ever happened to me: chemobrain is soooo wonderful, as is the fact that my breasts were amputated, I hate the way I look naked, lost too many friends to this damn disease, and am always looking over my shoulder, as getting scares is the norm for me. It's been 12 years, and I can't say cancer's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

    Great post, AnneMarie. You are right: one can't have a supportive environment with someone saying what is wrong and what is right.

  6. Glad you picked up on this repulsion, AM!! You certainly captured it with this: --> "And I didn't think anyone could possibly knock Nancy Brinker from the top spot." YES, YES, YES!

    And I'll take it a step further (and the title of my future book ... one day): If BC is a Gift, Why Can't I Exchange it at Nordstrom's For a Pair of Shoes?"

    Because as you know ... I'd MUCH rather have a fabulous pair of "going out shoes" than a pair of ... well, you know. ; ) ; ) ; )

    1. I love, love, love the title of your (future) book! May I quote you?

  7. What?? What!!! I am beyond stunned. I wish I could get inside her head and see/hear what she meant by, "lucky." I have heard people say that having cancer made them realize who their true friends are (something I also said when one long-time friend broke my heart when she stopped calling after my diagnosis) or helped them understand what's really important in life, so do you think she may have been going for that type of message but was just totally inelegant about it?

    Either way, her words are incredibly upsetting.

    Love you, AnneMarie.

  8. "Life is great now," says Dr. Bone. I'm happy for her but feel that she should never impose her experience on someone else. I fear for her patients who must deal with that. Losing family to cancer does really lessen its appeal as a "learning experience."

  9. Hold on I have to pick my mouth up off the floor! Wtf

  10. Oh yes, cancer, that priceless gift that keeps on giving until it takes your life.

    I forgot how awesome that is. Gee, thanks cancer.

    Nothing else can make that same claim.

    Thank you AM.

  11. The irony:

    "Dr. Melanie Bone: Cancer Etiquette for Friends and Family"

  12. I wish I understood twitter better. I can't believe a doctor said that. I have a few of my favorites...

    Top 5 worst thing anyone said to me after my breast cancer diagnosis:

    #5 It's only in your milk ducts, so it's not a true cancer.
    #4 Lucky you, you get a boob job!
    #3 I know a women who thrived on chemo
    #2 At least it's not in both breasts (I chose a double mastectomy and it turns out it was in both breasts)
    and the number 1 worst thing anyone ever said to me....
    #1 I feel sorry for the people who have to watch you suffer.

    I am now dealing with a rectal cancer diagnosis, finally... the callous comments have stopped.

  13. I read this post the same day I got my monthly newsletter from the local breast cancer support group featuring an article about how cancer is a gift. What will it take to change this thinking?

  14. Cancer a gift? The best thing to happen to you? Where do people get off saying these idiotic things? Keep on exposing 'em! xo


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