Thursday, October 27, 2011


I'm fried.  Truly.  Been a very long bunch of weeks.  Drained physically.  Drained emotionally.  Drained intellectually. And, if I don't get to this slight bit of government paperwork for which I am still responsible, I will be causing a big financial drain, too.

Joking aside, the chemobrain has wreaked havoc in my office and now that is stressing me out which makes the focus and concentration that much more difficult.  It's a vicious cycle.  I hope to get someone in here to help me get things under control.  I haven't paid a bill on time in at least two months.  To truly appreciate the magnitude of that in my life?  I was the person whose bank statements were reconciled TO THE PENNY every single month.  

I am REQUIRED to attend jury duty tomorrow because I forgot (or lost) the last notice.  I have no intention of showing up.  My next entry may be from a jail cell.  Oh wait.  They will not let me have any internet time (guessing on that one, I've never been incarcerated).  Frankly, I don't even care.  It might have been a good idea to ask ONE of these doctors in whose offices I've been for the past three weeks to write a letter.  I am so pissed off solely because this is ONE MORE THING I need to address.  (Although you wouldn't know this, I happen to have just screamed at the top of my lungs.  Sheer frustration.)

I want to be LEFT ALONE.  I want to get into my office tomorrow and POOF, like magic.... have everything brought up to date so I can truly step away from any responsibilities.  For now, this is the extent of what I can handle:  Getting out of bed, showering, eating meals and really, that's about it.  Laundry every so often.  Keeping the house tidy because I don't like a mess.

Maybe I'm just having a bad day.  Maybe I'm just crashing after a long month.  Or maybe, it's time to just throw everything aside until the police show up with handcuffs or those other guys show up with that funny jacket.  Either one of those places is more appealing than one more doctor office or for that matter, even ten minutes trying to sort out the mess in my own office.

ARRRGGGGGG....... Is it Friday night yet?

Rant over.

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