Wednesday, January 9, 2013


Somehow I keep finding the shoe on the other foot.

First, I found myself on the wrong side of the gown.  Not once, but twice.  In a nine day period.  Between December 26th and January 4th.

My sister had a biopsy which turned out very well.  MY surgeon.  And I'm the "contact person"  .....

Then, my mom and once again, I'm the "contact person" and we all know how THAT turned out.  

The wrong side of the gown.  The shoe on the other foot.  

Then, we have NBCC Advocacy Summit in May of 2012.  And the fight for the voices of the metastatic patients.  And I am determined to be a voice.....  The photo with Lori and CJ is a tangible reminder, not that I need any reminder but still..... I'm Fearless.  For All.  

Until, I'm not.  Last night, I had questions, THEY talked me off the ledge.  They had answers.  They guided me through. They are REALLY fearless.  They led the way in San Antonio last month.  I'm advocating for them and they turned the tables by jumping into action so I had a little direction in advocating for mom.  And so.... last night, some six plus months later, the shoe is on the other foot.  

This Friday, I will listen to the oncologist discuss a treatment plan and what's next.  My oncologist, first mine, then ours, now more hers than mine.  And I will be the "other ears."  My mom was the "other ears" for me in October 2006.  Six years and a few months later, THAT shoe is on the other foot.


You see, I don't want the shoe on the other foot.  It doesn't feel right.  Truthfully, it kinda hurts.   


  1. I wonder if this is more difficult because you've been in those shoes - maybe not as a metastatic patient, but with breast cancer nevertheless. You know just too well about testing, results, implications...

    Isn't it weird that we seem to believe that getting sick protects everyone else from getting sick too? Like I got sick so my mother wouldn't. But that's just not reality. In reality, we can't make those kind of deals.

    But I'm glad to hear you're being supported. Sometimes, if it's possible, we need to let others lead the way.

    Thinking of you! Catherine

  2. I think it's much harder to be the one who knows what the patient is going through, but then again I think it must be helpful for us to comfort those who are enduring what we've been through and know well. So I guess it's a toss-up. Chicken? Egg? Either way, it's a sucky omelette.

    1. I finished reading this post and the comments with tears in my eyes. I agree with Pinkunderbelly that it can be tougher since we know how difficult the process is. I cried more after a good friend was diagnosed than when I was diagnosed. Back then, before my treatment, I thought the experience would just be a blip. I unfortunately know better now. Keeping you and your mom in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs*

  3. I know how hard it is to be on both sides and I always wondered with the mets why wasn't it me? As far as the shoes...I ordered a special pair of boots on the internet and they sent me two left feet. I couldn't believe it. I kept trying to put one on my right foot in disbelief. Remembering those boots is my attempt at humor with the shoe analogy. I sent them back and bought them elsewhere. If only this could be that simple. But I know it's not. Hugs and XoXoXoXo - Susan

  4. Yea, wouldn't it be great to just go barefoot in new grass, your Mom and sister are lucky to have your by their side. Sending caring thoughts your way.


  5. AnneMarie, those are beautiful photos of 3 very beautiful women who truly are forces to be reckoned with.

    Sending you strength in spades my dear. And to your dear Mom too!! xoxo

  6. I've been on both sides a couple of times. When my father got diagnosed, I felt I had to be the person who took him for his first chemo because I was the only one who KNEW. And I wished I could trade places, even though given the option, he would never have agreed to it. With my cousin, i felt much like Susan - why was her BC so different than mine? Why did she have mets and I didn't.

    Wouldn't it be nice if you could just go get a new pair of shoes and forget all about the old ones? If only..... Hang in there and know we're all here for you and Mom and everyone else dealing with this crappy disease.

    Ellen xoxox

  7. You will never, ever be alone in this. I love you and I'm here.

  8. Ah.


    I don't have any words. Except - I'm sorry.

    And I can't even begin to fathom how thankful your mother is for you (among many, many others...)


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